Confronting Fear

Fear analysis: Spiral method

Ahh … Fear. This is pretty much the problem with anxiety and depersonalization. It is self-centered fear.

Here are some particular fears I had:

  • I don’t know who I am
  • I’m not really living while everyone was going on with their lives
  • I’m not able to connect
  • My soul is dying.

Confronting Fear SpiralWhen I was coming out of depersonalization there was this great exercise that I did which really got to the root of my fear. Want to know what the root of most of fear is? Not that you’re broke or your house is being foreclosed but rather—death and being alone. Strange right?

Let’s try an example:


I have fear that I’ll get fired. If I get fired I’ll be poor. If I’m poor than I wont have a place to live. If I don’t have a place to live I’ll be homeless. If I’m homeless I’ll be alone, if I am abandoned in this world then Ill be lost, if I am lost Ill struggle to survive, If I struggle to survive people around me will slip away, if people slip away then Ill die never knowing myself, if I die Ill DIE.

Wow! Look at that DEATH is the last one.

Lets try this again…

I have fear that my sister is mad at me, if my sister is mad at me then she’ll never talk to me again, if she never talks to me again, I’ll be alone, if I’m alone, I’ll DIE.

DEATH and being alone again…well I guess that PUA and being at ease with DEATH is important after all—its at the root of your fear.

Fear: I have a fear because ________(do the above spiral method).

Then ask your Personal Universe Assistant to please remove your fears and direct your attention to what you would have me be.

Coming to terms with Death and BEING ALONE:

Did you know that most people that are happy with life are actually okay with death? Ironic huh? Let’s do an exercise. My professor asked us to do a homework assignment where we had to write an obituary as if we died today. I remember sitting at that computer with the cursor blinking for hours. How could I possibly write an obituary as if I died today? I couldn’t die no matter how much I wanted to end my pain.

What was interesting is that if you were to ask me my definition of being ready, I would give you a vision of me as a grandmother, having a family, children, grandchildren, a career and a life filled with love. However, I then realized that this is just my definition of being “ready.” Other people might be ready by confession, religious means such as getting closer to God, seeing or living in a place that they never heard before or truly mentally ready to die through suicide or other mental illness. I think also that this vision of being “ready” or being a grandmother in my old age has a lot to do with our society and what I grew up believing. Years ago many didn’t live to see this old age and therefore I think that their perception of being “ready” was different. Moreover, some career driven people might think that their time of being “ready to go” is when they are financially successful.

Regardless of what being “ready” is, it is only in my self-assessment of falling short (i.e. not having a family or being too young to die) when I realized the difficulty of writing an obituary as if I died today. I think the difficulty lies in the emotions that come with it such as fear, anxiety, hopelessness, loss, sadness and uneasiness. I also realized with these emotions came a variety of unanswered questions such as: what happens to me when I die? What happens to my soul? Does my soul live on? Is there a heaven? I guess I never know but now realize that for me having faith in something greater than myself might bring me closer to being ready.

There is one fundamental question you should ask yourself if you are fearful of dying and most of your “fear spiral exercises” lead to death or loneliness. The question you should continue to ask yourself if “what happens to me when I die? Where did all these people who died before me go?”
I started asking questions about life, the cosmic universe, who made the stars and whether there was something beyond this world. Another question to that is important to ask is why people are in your life? Wouldn’t it be cool if some force was bringing things in your life to help you and lead you to a path where you are supposed to be? Also start asking yourself if these people are in your life as a coincidence?

So, next time you check out your groceries and the lady says, “have a good day,” ask yourself if your PUA put her in your life to say that! It’s kinda cool!

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